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(spinner sound) he's gonna take you back to the past to play the shitty games that suck ass he'd rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear he'd rather eat the rotten asshole of a road kill skunk and down it with beer he's the angriest gamer you've ever heard he's the angry nintendo nerd

he's the angry atari sega nerd he's the angry video game nerd here's a story of a little thing that went a long way. it's the nintendo game boy. while not the first portable game console it was the first to make such a big impact. it was hugely successful. there was some amazing exclusive games such as link's awakening which alone made it worth it, but lots of the games were just poor versions of nes titles and shameful watered down arcade games.

it didn't matter how compromised they were, as long as they could fit on a game boy cartridge, why not. the only reason to own street fighter ii on game boy would be to play it on a trip, or something. but what about when you're at home? you better own the console version too. because if all you have is this, oh man. none of these inferiorities hampered the game boy's success, nor did the monochrome graphics. lot of people say the game boy's in black and white.

but really, it's more like four ugly shades of green. the screen has no light, so if you try and play it in the dark, you'll see nothing. you'd think it made a big sensation only because of the novelty of it being portable, and that it would soon fade away once the next thing would come along. but no, that didn't happen. and the competition was fierce. there was the sega game gear, the atari lynx, among others. they all had color and lighted screens, but that scrappy little game boy kicked all their asses.

it came out in 89 and wasn't discontinued until 2003. during its lifespan, there was super nintendo, nintendo 64, and even gamecube hit the scene before this grey brick with puke colored graphics finally died out. also, as famously shown in nintendo power, a soldier in the gulf war had a game boy that survived a bomb blast. even though it was burnt black, it still powered on. you can't stop the game boy. they were released in different colors, like black, red, and yellow. they even made one transparent.

nintendo power made stickers, which are still on my only working game boy. and then there's the carrying case which looked like a giant game boy. a whole lineage was started including the game boy color, the game boy advance, game boy advance sp, which evolved into the ds and 3ds. but it's impressive how long the original game boy stuck around. and naturally, during that time, lots of add-ons were made for it, mostly by third parties. these ranged from practical, to flat out ridiculous. and that's what i want to focus on here.

the point is, the game boy was a long-lived success, and here's the accessories that probably had nothing to do with it. the super game boy was perhaps the most useful though it's technically a super nintendo add-on. and adapter to play game boy games on your tv colorized with lots of color presets and the option to mix your own color combinations. there's border graphics, and the ability to draw all over it. a total time waster, but how could you resist? certain games were specifically made for the super game boy with their own color design and borders.

but, on to the game boy. the first thing that comes to mind is the link cable it's just a simple way to connect two game boys so two players could compete in tetris for example. but then, there's the four player adapter. it sounds cool, but you need four people, four copies of the same game, and the game had to be four player compatible. that's a rare situation. it would be easier to get the band witchfinder general back together than getting four people to play this thing. then there's the game genie so you can enter cheat codes.

you'd think maybe, just maybe with this being a portable console there would be a possibility that it would be the only console to not have game genie? but nope, what next, is there a game genie for a tiger game? so when you're playing in public everyone will notice this big contraption mounted on the top. just a big flag to say "hey everybody, i'm cheating." i do have to say, it's really cool that it has a spot that holds the code book. now you have no excuse to misplace it. with all portable consoles, there's always that issue that when you're going on a trip, you always had to make sure to pack extra batteries.

you know there's a battery called god camel? and die hard? yippie-double-a mother fucker. but you didn't need any of that, because the game boy had its own rechargeable battery pack. sure you had to buy it separately, but you had the option. but then, comes all the weird third party stuff like the game boy solar charger. oh come on, you can charge a game boy with sunlight? so i tried it. you're supposed to lay it out in the sun for up to eight hours for a full charge. then you slip your game boy in it, you plug the solar unit into the dc input on the side of the game boy, and, it works.

i have no idea how long it lasts, but, it works. well, this is an eco-friendly solution here. i'm impressed. so when it comes to charging a game boy, there's many options. is there anything else i don't know about? is there a game boy wind charger out there? no matter how you charge the game boy, the screen still looks like shit, and you can't play it in the dark. well, here comes the nuby light. so apparently it sticks to the top of the game boy.

so you just clip it on? how's that go-- it works. you turn it on, you dim the room lights, or even play in total darkness, and, it does the job. but it takes the same amount of batteries as the game boy, so in total you'd need 8 aa batteries. damn. then there's the light boy. it's the same concept, except this one has a magnifying glass to make the screen appear larger. this one is hard to fit on, you really gotta to shove it on there. (grunt)

this time, it only uses two batteries, but the light isn't working. probably broken. then there's the light magic. there must be hundreds of these things. it's the same exact thing as the light boy, but it attaches to the game boy much easier. other than that, nothing's different. the light works, so here, you can see it in action. it's a nice way to boost the visual appeal, but why not just make a new game boy model with a normal screen like everything else? every version of these magnification light things seem to try to top the other.

this one, called the handy boy, was released by std? std?! who in their right mind would name their game company std?! got the light thing, (snap) ooh! oh, shit! wow, that just flew across the room. okay wow oh wow that really sucks. that really sucks, i broke that. it was fresh out of the box, and it broke. sure it was old, but it seems like it was hardly used. so i had to rush order a second one on ebay.

this one i'm treating as delicately as possible. this one's actually in worse condition, but the amount of use it got probably made it less stiff. this whole thing is ridiculous. game gear never did anything....oh never mind. the good thing about this contraption is that it requires no extra batteries. but there's a light on it, so, how does it power on? well, somehow, it taps into the game boy's own battery power. the back of the box shows it connecting to the dc port on the side of the game boy. but that's a dc input, right? not an output. is it both?

i tried it, and as expected, it does not work. not only that, but the moment i plug it in, it shuts the game boy down. so this can't be right. who knows? maybe someone out there has tried it this way and it actually does work, but mine doesn't. however, there is another way to power this thing. yeah, they gave you a second option as if they knew it sucked. well, i wish i didn't have to do this, but... (squealing noise) yeah. look at that.

you're supposed to stick it in the battery slot and lay the batteries over it so the contact points and the batteries sandwich it in place. and guess what? it works. like shit. the light comes on and off at random. i have to constantly jiggle it around to get the light back on but it keeps going off again. the screen magnification is all right,

but as you can see, my glass really needs cleaning. then there's the controller add-on. what's the point of this? in case you didn't like the controller that was already there? it was fine enough. why do you need this? does it add anything to the game? is it any better? no, it's fucking horrible. it's all stiff and awkward, who'd want to play it like this?

the speakers are meant to amplify the sound, in case you didn't think the game boy's speakers were loud enough. because that's what you want if you're in public, right? like if you're on a bus you want everyone to hear what you're playing. but the speakers on this thing are actually less loud than the game boy's speakers. maybe they're full of dust. there's also the amplifier by nuby, so the idea of making the game boy louder became its own line of experiments. but then, came the ultimate project.

if you want to get serious about your game boy, then let me introduce the booster. this big-ass mother fucker is like the mecha combiner robot of the game boy family. it would be cool to see it fight a game gear, but that would take me extra weeks. it takes c batteries but the game boy gets to tap into the booster's power by plugging the booster into its dc input the way it should.

so at least they got the power situation worked out. it magnifies and lights the screen just like the others. it has a cover for the front, with new controllers but again, the game boy's controls work perfectly fine, so why would you need this? just get rid of it. as for the speaker volume... (music gets ear-piercingly loud) aah! why would you ever want it that loud? you only play it like a foot away from your face!

there's a cartridge compartment on the back just for convenience. it can hold four games... three games... two... it holds only two games! overall, if you didn't like how lightweight and convenient the game boy was and the portability is not something you find appealing and you wanted something more bulky and awkward? then this is for you.

then there's the game boy camera. that's right, a camera for the game boy! and there's no complicated installation, you just pop it in like any game cartridge and snap a picture of yourself. there's no way this would work, let me try this. (camera snap noise) it works. wow. this is selfies before selifes.

you can save your pictures to albums, you can mess around with them, you can even play built-in games. like this space invaders clone. yeah, it's the most basic game you can possibly play, but hey, why not. for some reason, it has a suicide button that blows yourself up. then there's all kinds of weird random games. (buzzing noise) aah! what the hell is that? the more you play around with this, the more strange things happen. but basically, it's a camera, that's a game boy cartridge.

oh, i wonder if it works on super game boy! it does! holy shit. but the camera can't work, can it? oh my. it actually works. but if you want to take a picture of yourself, you have to turn the super nintendo around. (camera snap) the bottom line? it can be done. but hey, look here! i can decorate my face.

now...this is too much fun. also, there was the game boy printer. so if you want to print the pictures, yeah, that can happen. (printer buzzing) wooowww. lots of these game boy accesories are rare. some of the ones i couldn't get my hands on are the game boy fm radio, the workboy, where you can plug in a keyboard

and turn the game boy into a personal computer just in case you didn't like using a monitor. then, there's the hudson soft kiss link, which allowed you to connect the game boy to the internet and download exclusive gaming content from hudson's website. there's the barcode boy, which was a barcode scanner with games included where you unlocked certain features by scanning barcodes found on cards and merchandise. there's the game boy pocket sonar, so if you bring your game boy on a fishing trip,

you can detect fish up to 65ft underwater! the game boy color had a mobile phone adapter and a sewing machine! i repeat, a sewing machine that came with a game cart where you choose a sewing pattern and then the machine sews the pattern! there were also... game boy shoes. big platform shoes with spaces to fit your game boy color! yeah! you look so fucking awesome! (sigh)

but then, to top it off, the grand finale. i'm not even emotionally ready to tell you about this, so just sit back, here it is. the pedisedate. this thing was intended for hospitals, to help children relax when they're about to be put under for surgery or medical procedure. essentially, it's a pair of headphones that you plug into the game boy,

you could probably plug it into any portable gaming console, but more importantly, it has a cop that goes over the child's mouth and releases the sleep gas, or laughing gas, or whatever it is they need. so, it's the only gaming peripheral i know of that gases you! imagine being sedated while playing fucking dr. mario! what would that be like? oh my god, i was gonna make up a bunch of fake shit at the end, like the game boy dog turd collector,

but nothing i can make up can top this! and this thing was real! i mean, it didn't get released but it was invented and patented. the game boy must have been the most multi-purpose thing in existence! astronauts actually took it into space, it could withstand bomb blasts, you could take photos, print, sew, find fish, get sedated! i want to be sedated with a game boy!

i want to be sedated with a game boy! bow bow bow bow bow

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